Poor Santa

The other night I was lying in bed and could hear jingle bells down the hall.  My initial guess was that one of the cats was playing with the Christmas "count-down" ribbon from Dave's childhood - a long piece of felt with 24 bow-tied strings on buttons, one for each December day before Christmas.  At the very bottom is a single jingle bell that any cat would love.  I eventually stopped worrying that it might get destroyed and fell asleep since sleep is really a big priority at my house these days.

The next morning, I wandered out of our room and down the hall, nearly tripping over a large stuffed Santa in the middle of the floor.  It's one of those toys that has a "push me" circle on it's hand, enticing small boys to play the recorded holiday message over and over and over and over and over and over again.  It also has a jingle bell on it's hat.

Now, this Santa was on a shelf in the living room when we went to bed the night before.  You may be thinking to yourself, "Hmmm, sounds like Henry was busy after an overly tired set of parents went to bed."  You are wrong.  Santa was, instead, sexually assaulted by Waylon the Cat who has a fondness for anything stuffed.  He doesn't care about the species of the stuffed creature - he is just fine with inter-species sex.  His favorite is a pheasant dog toy, but he has also been known to drag Clifford the Big Red Dog (who is twice Waylon's size) out of Henry's bed to the other side of the house and then downstairs to have his way with him.  Waylon is fixed and has been since we adopted him at the tender age of 8 weeks.  He developed these "urges" after Elvis the Cat came to our home, possibly in an effort to exert some sort of dominance - just not over the new kitten.  It is obvious that Waylon is a bit confused.  He meows seductively to his victims, straddles and then humps them in a way that shows he really isn't sure of what to do with these feelings.  On many occasions, Henry has come home from daycare inquiring how his "guys" have wound up scattered around the house.  Someday, we'll tell him - maybe when he and Dave have the "birds and the bees" talk.

We are a bit concerned about the assault of Santa.  Is our house off the list now?  Will Santa bring Henry the Zero Gravity Wall Racer he asked for?  Will we find coal in our stockings?

Just so Santa doesn't feel singled out, Dave has found the animatronic Christmas carol singing Snowbelly couple on the floor the past two mornings.  Apparently, Waylon is now into threesomes.